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About a month in to our relationship, I decided I really needed to talk to my guy. We were lingering beside my car and we discussed our thoughts on purity.

We told each other our physical boundaries and the emotional connections to those choices. That doesn’t mean I knew everything about him; I knew his views on sex.

“It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality” (1 Thessalonians 4:3). You can enjoy fun, positive friendships with people of the opposite sex and be involved in all sorts of activities without coupling up with one person. God says, “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers . When we put ourselves in an ungodly atmosphere with ungodly people we are influenced toward ungodliness.

If you do choose to date, the following guidelines can help you maintain a walk with God and guard your purity. “Do not be misled: ‘Bad company corrupts good character’” (I Corinthians ). Realize your date is your brother or sister in Christ—not your “lover.” “Treat older women as mothers, and younger women as sisters, with absolute purity” (1 Timothy 5:2).

I do mean that you must seriously contemplate and establish your boundaries.

Before you ever have the boundaries conversation with your other half, you need to clearly define your own boundaries.(What follows is an abridged version of “Guidelines for Protecting Purity in Dating,” available at “Guidelines for Sexual Purity.”) 2. A rule of thumb is, don’t do anything physically you wouldn’t do with your brother or sister. There are many contexts in which to do evangelism—dating isn’t one of them. If you’re a committed disciple, only date committed disciples.You must stay safely back from the line where either one is propelled toward sexual intimacy. Focus on talk, not touch; conversation, not contact. Gaps always get filled, often with temptations to sexual impurity. Setups include such things as being alone on a couch or in a car late at night or in a bedroom.Treat your date as a subject to listen to and understand and appreciate, not an object to experiment with, conquer or satisfy your desires. Avoid fast moving relationships and instant intimacy. A car moving too fast is likely to swerve out of control when it hits a slick spot. Know what you’re doing and either stick with the plan or go somewhere safe, where you’re in the sight of others (particularly others who respect the need for purity). Determine to stay away from the setup, rather than putting yourself in the setup and having to call on your convictions when your resistance is at its lowest, and you’re most likely to give in. Be accountable to someone about your physical relationship.

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